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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
The Ayatollah of Assahollah's LiveJournal:
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| Thursday, January 22nd, 2009 | | 8:51 pm |
It's Not A Toomah! Oh, Wait... Yes, It Is.
I haven't updated this thing since five days after my brain surgery, so I figure now is a good time to tell you how that whole thing went down. The Oscar nominations also came out today, and I've seen way too many movies, so I feel adequate enough to comment on them. Plus there was that whole inauguration thing, so that's fun too. Feel free to read on.... ( The Furious Pace of Benjamin's Fuckin' ) | | Wednesday, September 3rd, 2008 | | 11:33 am |
| | Thursday, August 7th, 2008 | | 7:57 pm |
I Have A Brain Tumor!
How's THAT for an eye-catching headline? Unfortunately, it is actually true. I have a tumor in my left frontal lobe. What kind is it?! When is the surgery?! How long do I have to live?! Well, here's the basic backstory in a nutshell: Back in June, I had an MRI done on my head for an unrelated matter. When I went for a follow-up appointment, the doctor said that they had "found something" on the MRI. He referred the results to an expert, who then said I should go for two more MRIs and a CT scan. Unfortunately, those tests were conducted at 8:00 in the morning on a Sunday at a shitty facility in Chelsea, Massachusetts, a.k.a. The Dumpiest City in America. Anyway, when I went for the follow-up to those tests, the doctor basically confirmed that it was a brain tumor. Or, to be more accurate, it's likely a Grade II Astrocytoma. It's a big word. Impress your friends. After receiving those results, I was referred to a neurologist by my aunt. He's extremely well-respected and I probably wouldn't have gotten an appointment if it wasn't for the fact that he actually did my uncle's brain surgery. And yes, my uncle is still alive and fully functional. Upon meeting with the neurosurgeon, he confirmed that I would have to have brain surgery. Not a huge surprise. I was pretty much expecting that. However, there is an added twist. You see, the tumor is actually near the part of my brain where my speech could be affected. What does it all mean? Well, it means that, for this particular surgery...... I HAVE TO BE AWAKE WHILE THEY OPERATE ON MY BRAIN!!! That's right, folks. It's called an awake craniotomy. Type it into the Googlez and give it a look. The first link that pops up is actually a video of the procedure, but I haven't had the balls to watch it yet. After I have the surgery? Maybe. Before the surgery? Fuck no. Oh, and the date of the craniotomy is Friday, August 29th. Mark your calendars. I actually marked mine at work to say "LAST DAY ON EARTH!!!" Back to the point though. Essentially, they have to keep me awake and talking during the operation because they don't want to accidentally cut off some part of my brain that could affect my speech. Having my speech ruined would suck for me, but I imagine it would make the people around me a lot happier! I'm told I won't really be able to feel the incisions though because the brain has no pain receptors. They could jab me with a screwdriver and I wouldn't even feel it. That's good to know, since they'll be drilling into the side of my skull. My uncle is an anesthesiologist, and he has actually assisted on awake craniotomies before. Apparently, it's not hugely risky as far as brain surgeries go........ but it's still fucking brain surgery. The risk is there, y'all. After talking to my uncle and the neurosurgeon, they seem to downplay the imminent danger, but everything I read online about Astrocytomas is pretty negative. The one I have is Grade II, which is considered low-grade, but even then, the recurrence rate is relatively high. One website said that people who survive the surgery typically live an average of only five years afterwards! And yet, I've been told that I should make a full recovery. Hmmm... who to believe? I've decided I'm just going to assume the worst and, if I survive the operation, it'll be a nice surprise. Best case scenario: the procedure goes perfectly, they remove the tumor completely, I recover in the hospital for about three days, then I recuperate at home or on the North Shore for a month. Worst case scenarios: death, brain damage, stroke, and/or possible speech impairment. Well hey, at least I saw "The Dark Knight" before I died. Man, that movie kicked ass. I thought about making a Bucket List and doing some of the things before the surgery day. Then I remembered that I'm relying heavily on my company's insurance to cover the cost of the procedure. I can't really quit and go off on adventures because I'd probably get fired and lose my insurance. So I've decided that it's more of a Fuck It List since I'm not gonna get to do any of these things. Unfortunately, the only thing that came to mind was "bang a black girl." Damn, that would have been awesome. There are some positives to this tumor situation though. For one, you can pretty much get people to do whatever you want them to do. All you really have to do is ask for something, put on a sad face, and then point to the side of your head. It's very effective. You can also do really stupid things and blame it on your tumor. "Why did you punch that Starbucks employee?!" "Tumor told me to." Like they're going to dispute that. Additionally, if I survive this operation, I will basically be sitting around and doing nothing for a month. I mean, it will actually be EXPECTED for me to do that. If you recall correctly, I was basically living that same lifestyle from the time when I graduated from B.U. in December until this past May when I finally got a job. And I loved every minute of it. With football season coming up, I have no problem spending a month on the couch. Hey, I have to recover, don't I?! So that's where I'm at. August 29th is Judgment Day. If I survive, I'm sure you'll be hearing from me at some point afterwards. If I don't, consult your local psychic. Also, if you have any messages for Jesus, I will accept those now and attempt to deliver them to him in a timely fashion. Nice knowin' ya, folks! | | Saturday, July 1st, 2006 | | 11:40 pm |
Blue Vein Swayback Throbber
To give you an update to my last Journal entry, I haven't heard back from that Wheelock dipshit who left me a message on MySpace. I responded to him but he never sent me anything back, so I think it's safe to say that he realized what a moron he was. Hey, ya live and learn. Now on to the current entry... ( The Cry Of A Hungry Baby ) | | Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006 | | 12:06 am |
I've Been Attacked!
So I come home from the Sox-Yankees game tonight (and thank you for that, Ms. Kane!) and I'm unwinding. Checkin' the old e-mail, catchin' up on the other baseball scores, listening to some music, etc. And then I happen to check my MySpace messages. I open up my mailbox and lo and behold, some douchebag who doesn't even know who I am leaves me a message insulting me, Emmanuel, and the communications program! His ulterior motive? I shit-talked his school, Wheelock College (which I formerly attended), on my MySpace site. Aww, poor baby. This is the comment on my site that apparently sent him over the edge: "Wheelock is a shit school and I left after only one year. Don't go there!" Yes, that's all it took for this dude to decide that he had to write me a lengthy MySpace comment. THAT'S IT. Really? You can't let THAT go??? Seriously??? Well naturally, I had to answer him back. If you feel like reading on, you can read his comment followed by my retort. Something tells me that this may turn into a recurring segment, so sit back and enjoy if you're into that sort of thing. Here ya go: ( Wheelock Still Sucks By The Way ) | | Wednesday, April 26th, 2006 | | 11:17 pm |
Breaking News!
"Dear Mr. Paravano: We are pleased to inform you that you have been admitted to the MAT program in English Education at Boston University School of Education for the Fall 2006 semester." That is all. | | Saturday, April 1st, 2006 | | 12:22 am |
It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp
As you can probably surmise by now, having an actual 8:30-to-5:30 job in a law office has kept me pretty busy and unfit to fulfill my LiveJournal obligations over the past several months. The last entry I posted was Friends-Only and that was back on December 12th. Before that, I hadn't posted since September 20th. In addition, I hardly ever check my LiveJournal Friends' entries anymore, so if you wrote anything really interesting or thought-provoking over the past three months, just link me to it and I'll go read it. I hadn't really given too much thought to writing a new entry until Melissa told me I should, so yeah, apparently I take requests now. What can I say? I'm easy. Unfortunately, I have some disheartening news, folks: my life is pretty god-damn boring! Sad, but true. To emphasize this point, I present Exhibit A: I'M WRITING IN MY LIVEJOURNAL ON A FRIDAY NIGHT!!! That about sums it up! However, I do have a couple things to share, so hopefully they'll be worth your time. Now let me see if I remember how to do an LJ-Cut... ( If You Can See This Link, I Officially Remember How To Do An LJ-Cut ) Current Music: "One Thing Leads To Another" by The Fixx | | Tuesday, September 20th, 2005 | | 6:44 am |
I Love A Mannequin. Should I Be Panickin'?
Okay, I'm going relatively easy on you guys this time. This entry isn't all that long. It might be a little time-consuming, but it's not very lengthy. In terms of the amount of time it would take to read, it's not popcorn-in-the-microwave short, but more like quickie-in-the-broom-closet short. Yeah, I think that description works. Anyway, read on if you have the time. If not, you suck! ( Walking On Sunshine, Haikus, Kanye, Regis, And Male Rape! What More Could You Ask For??? ) Current Music: "Bin Laden" by Three 6 Mafia | | Tuesday, August 16th, 2005 | | 11:45 pm |
Dear Diary: Jackpot!
Okay, this entry is really long so if you plan on reading it, I suggest you clear your schedule! Just a warning in advance there. I have some news about a possible employment opportunity for myself and I'll talk about a few other things like church marquees, MySpace, and R. Kelly's masterpiece, "Trapped In The Closet." If that sounds like your cup of tea, read on. If not then, well, go fuck yourself! No no, don't worry, I'm only semi-kidding. Alright, here's the link... ( Am I... Am I Supposed To Conduct With My Penis? ) Current Music: "Keep Pushin'" by REO Speedwagon | | Friday, July 1st, 2005 | | 1:07 am |
| | Thursday, June 16th, 2005 | | 12:29 am |
Can You Bird It? Can You Do The Bird?
It's official -- as of June 15th, I have now had a LiveJournal account for four years. Kinda sad, huh? Of course, I didn't write my first entry until September of 2001, but let's not split hairs here. In addition to that, June 15th is also the birthday of my very first Wheelock pal, Lisa. She'll be celebrating her birthday on the 15th and then giving birth on the 20th -- not a bad week, huh? So happy birthday and congratulations, Lisa -- you rock, but Wheelock still sucks. Alright, and now onto the important Journal stuff... ( Heh Heh... Deep Throat. That Old Dude Did Porn. ) | | Wednesday, May 11th, 2005 | | 11:49 pm |
My Last Entry Ever............ As A College Student
Well, I'm finally graduating from college this Saturday, May 14th, so this will be my last entry as a college student in Boston. A lot has changed since I first began college in August of 2000 (yes, you read that right) as a student at Wheelock. Things were simpler back then -- you could get a pizza from Domino's for under ten dollars, the WWE was still the WWF, gas prices were reasonable, "Jackass" was delighting all of America, and Jason Giambi's testicles were just beginning to shrink. Ahh, the good old days. I probably forgot to mention a few things but ehh, they're not important. I actually transferred in to Emmanuel in January of 2002, so I've been here for a little more than three years now. Oh, and since I transferred in here, the Patriots have won three Super Bowls and the Red Sox have won the World Series. YOU'RE WELCOME!!! Does that mean that my departure will mean the demise of all Boston sports franchises? Probably, so you should all chip in and pay for me to go to school here a little longer! DO IT FOR THE SOX!!! Besides, four and a half years at school? Pssh... I can go another EIGHT, easy! Try me! Actually though, I almost wasn't able to graduate this semester, but that's a story that you'll hafta read under the little LJ-Cut because this intro has gone on for too long. So click the little link and we can go on... ( The Not-So-Grand Finale ) Current Music: "Give It To Me Baby" by Rick James | | Friday, April 8th, 2005 | | 1:53 am |
He's A-Cookin' A-Something Up!
So as I'm typing this, there are two caterpillars in a cup sitting on top of my computer. Half of the cup is filled with food for them to eat and once they go into their chrysalis stage, I hafta take them to the flight cage in the laboratory. No, I didn't suddenly become a lepidopterist (look it up!) but I hafta do this experiment for Biology class. I had to do it two years ago too and both of my caterpillars survived then, so I'm going for a 100% success rate. What does this have to do with anything? Absolutely nothing really, I just find it funny that there are insects crawling around in a cup in my room. Adorable, ain't it? Alright, well now on to the rest of the entry... ( Baseball, Fast Food, Dead People, and Pat O'Brien! ) Current Music: "Breakfast In America" by Supertramp | | Friday, March 18th, 2005 | | 6:03 am |
So Basically That Means... God Fucks Little Boys?
As usual, since I haven't written here in about a month, I have some catching up to do. Fortunately, nothing exciting ever happens in my life aside from the occasional Valentine's Day mishap or Ken Jennings commercial sighting, but I'll try to squeeze some things out here. Actually, this is worth reading merely for one of the most bizarre fucking coincidences that I have ever experienced in my entire life! I mean, really, just fucked up! Well it blew MY mind anyway, but maybe it won't do the same for you. I'll talk about some other things too, so read on and defecate in your pants with astonishment... ( Alright, Maybe There Was A Little Hyperbole There... ) Current Music: "The Logical Song" by Supertramp | | Sunday, February 20th, 2005 | | 3:36 am |
| | Tuesday, February 1st, 2005 | | 12:01 am |
I Hope I'm Not Rusty
Man, I haven't written a single thing in well over a month. Not just in this Journal -- I mean I don't remember writing a single thing since last semester ended! But since I'm gonna hafta do my fair share of writing during this semester, I suppose I should get some practice with a new entry here. In this entry, I'll be tackling such topics as my iPod, the blizzard, the Super Bowl, and The Aviator. Hell, I'll even throw in a picture of me and the girlfriend for all you who are wondering what she looks like. So without further ado, here we go: ( I'm Back Like Scoliosis ) Current Music: "Cold As Ice" by Foreigner | | Thursday, December 16th, 2004 | | 12:33 am |
I'll Take Unhealthy Obsessions For $400, Alex
Alright, here's the final product: my seven-page, 2,070-word article on Ken Jennings for my Editing and Publishing class. Remember, I got an A on my first article and he read it aloud to the entire class because it was so good, so you're in good hands here, people! As usual, I'm translating this from my version of Word '95, so if there are some bizarre question marks at random moments, it's because something in the transfer screwed up. Okay, here ya go: ( All I Want For My Birthday....... Is The Return Of Ken-Jen! ) | | Thursday, December 9th, 2004 | | 6:12 pm |
3,469 Words??? Why Not!
Do not adjust your monitors: yes, I'm back already, and yes, this is going to be another long entry -- even longer than the last one! In this entry, I'll be talking about Ken Jennings (naturally), Christmas porns, certain women that are the lowest forms of human life on Earth, and some other cheerful stuff. I'll also be bringing back one of my favorite recurring segments: SCATHING REVIEWS!!! If that's not incentive to read on, I dunno what is... ( Ya Know, There's Only Eight Days Until My Birthday! ) Current Music: "Santa's A Fat Bitch" by Insane Clown Posse | | Thursday, December 2nd, 2004 | | 4:01 am |
Thanks For Not De-Friending Me Due To Inactivity!
First off, you guys may have seen an entry I accidentally posted last week about the world's oldest man (a Red Sox fan) passing away. That was my mistake -- I was supposed to post that to the Red Sox LiveJournal Community, which would explain why the entry was so short. Well ignore that entry -- it doesn't count, I deleted it, but thank you to those who posted comments before I 86ed it. This one's the real deal: it's long as fuck since I haven't updated since the day before Halloween! Since I last updated, I've seen a few movies, written some good papers for class, and experienced the trauma of Ken Jennings losing, so I plan on discussing all of this in this entry. But first, my birthday is December 17th and I expect all of you to get me a gift! Go search for my Wishlist on Amazon.com! You can search by using my name or by going through my e-mail address, mistrsac@aol.com. I'm turning the Big Two-Three, so get me something nice to make me feel less old and pathetic! I've officially reached "Creepy Older Guy Who Should Have Graduated By Now" status, so make it good! Alright, and now, without further ado, here we go with the entry... ( Today Is December 2nd And... Hmmm... Yup, The Red Sox Are STILL World Champions! ) Current Music: "London Calling" by The Clash | | Saturday, October 30th, 2004 | | 6:38 pm |
One more time, just to drive the point home... "I have these words for you: SOX IN 2004!!!" -- Me, the day after the Aaron Boone game (10/17/03) "Yes, the Red Sox traded Nomar in an attempt to upgrade their defense, but don't go calling the deal a failure just yet. This might actually work out for the Sox so hang in there until the end of the year. If the Sox make the playoffs, the deal was worth it." -- Me, after the Nomar trade (8/5/04) "3-0 is unlikely to come back from, but not impossible. Consider this: if Lowe somehow manages to outduel El Douche tomorrow, then Pedro will pitch Game 5 and Schilling could possibly be ready for Game 6. Those are winnable games, so until the 27th out of the fourth loss is recorded, don't give up on 'em just yet!" Me, in a comment I left Yvette after the Sox went down three games to none to the Yankees (10/17/04) There ya have it -- three LiveJournal quotes to prove that I always believed they could do it. And now, for a few more thoughts... ( Gotta Love That Sox Appeal! ) Current Music: "Dirty Water" by the Standells |
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